What is Love?

Today I will help my sister and her husband celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

They have set a standard for the rest of us to follow.

I am grateful for their perseverance, together, 

through the many challenges all marriages face.

The words from Do You Love Me? in Fiddler on the Roof come to mind:

(Tevye)
"Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel."

(Golde)
"What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!"

(Tevye)
"He's a good man, Golde. 
I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him. 
So what can we do? 
It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I what?

(Tevye)
Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town
You're upset, you're worn out
Go inside, go lie down!
Maybe it's indigestion

(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
You're a fool

(Tevye)
"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you? 
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)
Golde, The first time I met you 
Was on our wedding day
I was scared

(Golde)
I was shy

(Tevye)
I was nervous

(Golde)
So was I

(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?

(Golde)
I'm your wife

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)
Then you love me?

(Golde)
I suppose I do

(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too

(Both)
It doesn't change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know

Yes, it's a new world.

In our current culture, "I love you." or "Luv ya"

are spoken often, perhaps too often.

So what is love anyways?

     patience 

         kindness

             honesty

                 loyalty

                    trust

What love is not - 

      jealous

          proud

              boastful

                  rude

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love says, 

     "I sacrifice myself 

           for the good of the other."

Love is a Verb.

Oh Where Oh Where Can It Be?

I grew up knowing a cute little song about a lost dog:
Oh where, oh where
Has my little dog gone?
Oh where, oh where can he be?
With his ears cut short
And his tail cut long
Oh where, oh where can he be?


I sing that song a lot these days, however, I'm not looking for a lost dog.
I'm looking for almost anything.
Most of my house is turned upside down 
because of renovations and packing for our move.
"Did I pack it for the actual move in a month or two 
(and yes, I have labeled boxes), or,
did I pack it just to clear space for the contractors to do their work?"


Time to kick in my 'lost things found technique' which I learned after finally saying 
'enough already with this losing/misplacing things and causing my stress level to rise'.


The Bible says, "you have not because you ask not", 
 so I began to ask for the missing items.
"Lord, you know where 'it' is, and I need 'it'.  
 Please direct my eyes, my hands and my feet to it's location."


Then I carry on with life confident that the missing object will appear.  
And it always does. 
Not always immediately, but always in time for whatever the reason I need it.


Example:
After my parents died, I ended up with a box of photos, 
some of which I really didn't care to keep.
One such photo seemed a shame to shred
so I offered it to one of the people in the photo. 
She was thrilled and arrangements were made to make the transfer in Edmonton.  
As the day for my trip approached, I could not find the photo. 
Panic knocked on my mental door but I refused it entrance and instead prayed my little
'you know where it is, God...' prayer.
A few days later, and two days before my trip departure, 
I discovered it under a pile of papers in my office. 
I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't even thinking about it.


Back to my current 'where is it' dilemma...
I'm praying 'You know where it is, God.  Please help me find it. ' a lot.
The key is no fretting, no fussing, no worrying, 
just trusting God will direct me to find it.

Someone's got my back covered

Renovations are really starting to get to me....I was pretty grumpy yesterday.

Actually, it's not the renovations per se, but all the chaos and dirt and dust and ....

My 'sanctuary' is almost non existent....has been for weeks and will continue so for at least another three or more weeks.

And, all the decisions....this color or that? this hardwood or that? this tile or that? 

this counter top or that?  this light fixture or maybe that one? 

Hubby and I return home from picking up tile samples during which Stan and I 

had a few words. O.k.,  mostly I had words, and they weren't particularly kind. 

To say I was having a bad attitude attack would be an understatement. 

Poor Stan...he puts up with a lot sometimes. 

We haven't looked for a divorce lawyer yet, but I have put him on notice

I WILL NOT go through another renovation while living in the space being renovated 

(not that we are planning to renovate in Rosebud, but just saying...) 

If there is another renovation in our future, I will take an extended vacation to Memphis or Phoenix or  Saskatchewan, while it is in progress...decisions be damned...someone else can make them and I'll try hard not to complain about the choices made as long as I don't have to endure the pain of renovating. 

After arriving home, bad attitude still intact, I decide to pack some keepsakes/collectibles.

I grabbed a newspaper from a pile soon to be recycled, and, what's that 

falling to the floor? A letter from a bank?  Oh my. It was a T5 I needed for income tax purposes

and almost discarded into recycling with the pile of papers.

Apparently God was covering my backside in this one, and chose to humble me into a better mood.

I am grateful. 

While out for a long walk yesterday afternoon (in the beauty of sunshine on a heavy blanket of new snow accompanied by warm temperatures) I contemplated planning a 'renewal of wedding vows' ceremony for our 44th anniversary this summer. With God covering my back and keeping me humble  our marriage should survive this renovation and major move in tact.

Robert Fulghum

One of my favorite authors is Robert Fulghum,
                         All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

Here are some reflections from 'the kindergarten man' ...
             things he learned after kindergarten:
- some teachers only appear later in life,
             when time and life experience make one receptive to the instruction
- there is no 'they', only 'us'
- you can get used to anything  
           (personal comment: sometimes that's good; sometimes it's not good; 
            much discernment needed)
- a well-lived life is always under construction
- what we have to say is less important than what we have to do
           "Be less concerned that your children do not do as you say;
             rather, be concerned that they are watching you ALL the time."
            (personal comment: not just our children are watching us all the time...
             so are our neighbors, our colleagues at work and in business, 
             the clerks and other customers at the store, etc. etc.)
- Never mind the credo, show me the life.

I find his stories and essays often humorous and usually thought provoking.

What If She's Right?

In her book, One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp suggests
"...life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change." pg 61

What if the things we want changed in our lives, in the lives of others,
     can only come when we thank God for what is?
for His presence, for His provisions, for His peace, for His grace, for His love...

We pray the Lord's prayer,
....may Your will be done one earth as in heaven...
What if our prayers of thanks create pathways for heaven to come to earth?

Hmmmm....what if?

Transfomational Power of Thank You

I posted a version of this poem several months ago.
I am reposting an edited version because
    It's Thanksgiving Weekend in Canada.

I encourage you to make time at your family gatherings
to share things you are grateful for:
  - the obvious things
  - things we tend to take for granted
  - situations that beg us to grumble and complain ....
              find something in them to be grateful for
  - some situation or someone in your family heritage
  - etc. the options to be grateful are limitless,
               and might just change your life

       What If

by Charlotte Riegel   ©2011

What if life really is simple?

What if an attitude of gratitude

    Could totally change your life

 For the better?

What if saying ‘Thank You’

    For what you have

Led to pathways

    For things you need?

What if ‘Thank You’

    Is the key to unlock doors

        To a happier, healthier,

More satisfying life?

What if ‘Thank You’

    Is the tool to break chains

        That bind you?

Chains of depression

   Chains of addiction

      Chains of poverty

         Chains of grief

What if?

What have you to lose

   By saying ‘Thank You’?

What if it doesn’t change anything?

What if it changes everything?

Can you afford to take this risk?

Can you afford not to take this risk?

      “In everything give thanks for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

                                                                                     1 Thessalonians 5:16

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would love to hear comments on how the family responded to the concept of

'radical gratitude',  on being grateful for things beyond the obvious.

Slime Bags

While walking to the mall today, I watched a slithery slime bag thrust his tentacles of abuse around a young lady. His vile venom repulsed me, even from a distance. My heart ached for her as she rushed past him and headed towards the bus stop. He sat against a fence enjoying the warmth of sunshine, chatting on a cell phone, and taking great delight in cutting the young lady who shared his home to emotional shreds.

She stopped at a bus shelter a few blocks away and I joined her to offer salve for her wounds. We were out of sight of the attacker and alone. Tears immediately flowed through nervous cigarette puffs and apologies for both.

"You do not deserve to be treated that way and you do not have to continue living in that abusive home.  There is help for you."  I continued to pour out healing ointments of encouragement and directed her to a hospital for the soul.

Please join me in praying she will seek the help she needs and be set free from the chains of abuse that enslave her.

Doing What I Can

I received a book from a friend recently.


After reading several chapters I needed to get on with the day and pondered, 'so what can I do?' while tackling household chores. Ah ha, I could walk to raise funds for a project in Nepal.

Though I cannot join my husband in his travels with a medical team ministering to disabled and disenfranchised/marginalized people in Asia, I can walk to raise funds for disabled and marginalized individuals in Nepal.

I will participate in a 5 km walk on Sept 24 in support of a building project sponsored by Samaritans Purse and Centre Street Church:
http://www.samaritanspurse.ca/ourwork/communitydevelopment/nepal_hope.aspx

5 km may not seem like much but walking pain free is a blessing and a joy because 2 1/2 years ago I could not walk around the block without pain or without aides. This walk will also be a thank offering to God for restoring my ability to walk.

I would be delighted to have you sponsor me while I do what I can in support of people less fortunate than I.

When Someone You Love No Longer Remembers

When Someone You Love No Longer Remembers by Cecil Murphey, is a great source of encouragement to people watching and/or accompanying a loved one maneuvering the Alzheimer and Dementia trails.

The author shares a variety of experiences from families who have already walked this road. Their brief stories spotlight some of the bumps on that road, and ways around common pitfalls offering insights, encouragement and helps for those who love someone ‘who no longer remembers’.

Cec has included several aides for families and caregivers:

• taking care of yourself
• communicating with your loved one
• exercise and activities for the afflicted
• preparing for the unexpected ahead of time
• helping visitors make their visit better for all

Illustrations by Michal Sparks enhance the message, making this small, hardcover gift book an easy choice for someone you know who could use encouragement for this difficult journey.

Released in July 2011, this Harvest House Publication is available at

Amazon.com, Christianbooks.com, Chapters, and Blessings.

Dumb or Boundary Pushing?

As I left the building from a meeting mid afternoon today, a glance at the sky put my feet into high gear. Two blocks on foot to catch a bus and a white wall slowly moving my direction from the east. Could I out walk that column of rain (my running days are history) and stay dry? It was much cooler than when I left the house several hours earlier so a brisk walk would not only hopefully keep me ahead of the downpour but also warmer.

When I left the house mid morning I debated about wearing a jacket and taking an umbrella, but decided on neither. The sun felt warm enough without a jacket and the weather forecasters often predict bad weather to err on the side of caution and then have everyone singing their praises when the day turns out much better than foretold. I was banking on it today. Alas, I was wrong.

A few minutes later I ducked into the bus shelter as the heavy, bloated clouds began to leak in spits. The clouds were moving very slowly so I remained dry even after disembarking public transit to pick up mail and do some banking. However, before catching the next bus home, the heavens opened, or tore, or tipped or whatever they do in such circumstances and, well, I was grateful to be inside a building, warm and dry. Fortunately, there was a fast food establishment in this little business complex and, since I had not eaten lunch, I decided to wait out the drenching storm.

Lunch done, downpour still down pouring...what to do? I slipped into the next door grocery store, grabbed a coffee and a newspaper to relax in their cafe area. The usual 1/2 hour summer storm dragged on and on and on. Plan B = call my son to come get me.

Perhaps next time I'll take a jacket and umbrella, or, maybe not.  Boundary pushing is interesting, challenging, sometimes dangerous, sometimes a lot of fun, and sometimes just plain stupid. For now, I'm grateful my son was available to help out in my time of need.

Wedding Gifts

This is so well stated and reflects my thoughts quite well so I am reposting.  All credits are due to Robert Fulgham, my current favorite author.

WEDDING GIFTS
It’s June and wedding time.
Weddings seldom match the realities of marriage.
Wedding presents usually don’t either.
Fine china, fragile crystal, and expensive silver are mostly useless.
And the high-tech kitchen gadgets don’t really work well or long.
If you get sucked into the bridal registry scam and go to the retail stores where the bride has picked her stuff, your reaction will likely be:
What is she thinking?
The groom doesn’t get to have a registry open at a hardware store, but a good set of basic household tools would make sense.
As a public service I propose a more practical and useful wedding gift package for the bride and groom. Things that will come in handy in times of need. Their parents have these things. But while a couple may acquire them over time, they will not have them handy the first time they need them.
These items will not be on the bridal registry.
And it may take awhile for the happy couple to fully appreciate the gifts.
But they will.
Note that each item on the list has both practical and symbolic value:
1. A bulk stack of all-purpose brown bath towels - not for the bathroom - but to mop up unexpected appearances of flowing water in your house.
There will be leaks - under sinks, around refrigerators and toilets and tubs, and around small children. You don’t want to use the good stuff you got for your wedding.
And there will be leaks in all your good intentions expressed at the wedding..
2. A high quality toilet plunger. Stoppages will occur. A coat hanger or a broom handle won’t help. First the plunger, then the brown towels.
Shit happens. Don’t ignore it. Deal with it.
3. A roll of duct tape. Things that should hold together will come apart. And if you use it right, what is fixed with duct tape will last so long and serve so well you won’t bother to get restorative repair or buy a new whatnot.
What works, works.
4. A 6-pack of tubes of Super Glue. Things break. And can be mended.
Like hearts.
5. A big bottle of Tabasco Sauce and a big bottle of Tums - solutions for any meal gone wrong. You can eat it and survive.
Mistakes are part of the learning curve.
6. A Whoopee Cushion - not to put under the seat of whoever gets angry over small stuff, but to put under your own butt and sit down on - hard.
Anger is hard to sustain in the face of a good, loud fart.
Laughter is the one tool essential to living well with another person.
7. A Swiss Army knife - a big one - to fix any small mechanical problem. Along with an ice pick, some clothes pins, and a hammer.
Most vexing annoyances can be addressed with the simplest tools, determination, and imagination.
8. A box of mixed band aids - you’ll never have them when you need them, though duct tape and Super Glue will also work. But only for guys.
There will be wounds. Bind them. Kiss them and make it well.
9. A serious flashlight. Unexpected darkness will happen.
The light of goodwill shined in the right places will scare away demons.
10. A bag of jelly beans, Hershey’s chocolate kisses, and a bottle of good wine, and a red rubber nose.
Foolish gestures of affection can fix what practical tools cannot.
Maybe I’m wrong, but it is my opinion that you can run a marriage without an electric fondue pot with a remote control and built-in music program.
But not without a toilet plunger.
The bride and groom will need and use this package of gifts, and bless your name when the occasion arises.
Weddings are fantasy-land.
Marriage is the real world.
Get real.

---

More Snow - Bah Hum Bug

While my son dodges tornadoes in Tennessee,
we shovel snow
in April, May, June, July??
and dodge unexperienced or careless drivers
on snow packed, or slushy, or icy roads.

While people in Japan
dig through rubble, mud and debris
looking for lost loved ones, and begin to rebuild
their earthquake and tsunami ravaged lives,
we shovel snow.

While people in many countries
dodge bullets and grenades,
or flee their homes
because of rocket and rebel attacks,
we shovel snow.

The white stuff looks rather pretty today.
If I wait long enough,
it will melt from the sun's warmth
and I won't have to shovel snow.

I miss the spring flowers, the greenery on trees,
the spiritual lift that comes from new life in nature;
but today, I'll watch the snow melt,
say prayers for many who battle larger life issues than snow in spring,
and choose joy.

Today I am grateful for:

-         Some sunshine

-         Snow stopped falling

-         Robin song

-         People who shovel their sidewalks

      making an afternoon walk more pleasant

-         Ability and privilege of listening to an excellent essayist/story teller while walking, thereby challenging my mind for the stories and essays I determine to write

-         The reminders and challenges of the Easter story powerfully presented by the Worship and Arts community of our church, with their usual commitment to excellence

-         Hearing about God at work in Nepal and being given an opportunity to partner with a project that will empower disabled people in that country to reach their nation with the gospel; and, hearing amazing stories of how God continues to work through ‘the least of these’.

-    hearing how two medical professionals invested their lives in Nepal, planting seeds of hope, yet not seeing the fruit of their labors until now, many many years later. A lesson in perseverence.

-         Discovering why one of my ‘to do’ projects of the past week met obstacle upon obstacle and remained frustratingly undone…some of the material I needed for said project were delivered to me today, though the person doing the delivery knew nothing of all this.

     An 'ah ha' moment for me.

And the day is not yet over J

Lent

Recently, while out on errands, I passed a Starbucks and thought,
"hmmm, a coffee about now would be nice".
Then I remembered I had chosen to go off coffee
while seeking God's guidance in a particular matter. 
The designated time of my fast had not yet been fulfilled.
I passed Starbucks, with a longing sigh.

I'm not addicted to coffee; however,
this incident made me acutely aware
how easy it is to slip into Starbucks,
Tim Horton's, or some other coffee shop,
for an emotional fix...
something I've been doing with increasing regularity.

It also made me wonder if I slip into God's presence
for a spiritual fix
as easily as I slip into a coffee shop.

My original fast period has now expired
but I've decided to continue denying myself
the comfort of coffee through Lent
as a reminder of the sacrifice Jesus made
when He willingly chose self denial of heaven
and all it's comforts, luxuries, and glories,
to share a season of His existence with us,
so we might might one day share with Him
in the joys of Heaven.

My temporary self denial of coffee
seems pretty insignificant in comparison.

Elusive Mate

You created me to fulfill him, to be his partner,

to encourage and support him.

I despaired when I couldn't find him.

"Is there no one for me?" I asked.

"I will be enough," You said. "Trust Me."

"Live for Me. Love Me as your mate."

A hard concept when I wanted someone with flesh,

with Your characteristics.

I stopped searching for him.

I relaxed, choosing to live a single life, cheerfully.

In time, I stopped longing for him.

I focused on You.

Then, You surprised me, with him, a man who trusts You,

a man who loves You, and me, unconditionally.

Thank You for this life lesson about attitude, focus, and trust.

It has served me well in other circumstances too.

Adoption

They did nothing to deserve being orphans.
They did nothing to deserve the love and lavish lifestyle
they now enjoy. 

My son and his wife adopted two little girls from Asia,
adding to their very busy household of 4 children.
Now they have six children.
Some questioned their sanity.

When I see the love they have for all their children,
it humbles me.
They are demonstrating to the world
what God's love is like
for those who are non Jewish,
adopted into the Kingdom of God.

We have done nothing to deserve this
yet we benefit from being part of God's family.
We enjoy His love, His provisions, His grace,
His mercy, His guidance, His comfort,
His wisdom, His protection, His inheritance...

I am grateful for adoption.

New Year Resolutions - Bah Hum Bug

Best I can tell, those who make them

Break them before the year is done,

Sometimes before the first month is past.

What we do and who we are begins with how we think.

If we want something to change,

we must first change the way we think,

about it and about ourselves.

I have discovered that old habits die hard;

they hang around in the corners of our lives

waiting for a weak moment in our resolve

to reclaim their spot.

Second time around

They dig their roots in deeper,

Being aware their status could be challenged.

The following are some comments from FB friends about the topic:

Gael: We take memories from the year we leave behind

           We make footprints in the year we enter.

Ken:   Do what you have always done if it seems to work fine.

           If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

(People who make NYR usually do so because something they are doing, or not doing, isn’t working to their liking. Something IS broken. But is NYR the answer?)

Robin: Hopes and goals are good.

            Some we can control;

            Many we cannot.

Min:    I often feel like a failure with NYR.

(I think she has hit bull’s eye. 

The problem with NYR is our inability to keep them which in turn brings on Failure syndrome. We need encouragement and success to keep moving forward.)

Gordon: We haven’t made NYR for many years, though once did.

                Instead, we adopt a theme for the year.

I really like this concept.

My theme for 2011 = downsizing and de cluttering

Ron & Grace:  planning with flexibility.

            Linda & Rosella shared the concept:

            Leave it in God’s hands and see what He has planned for you”.         

                                                     ~

I’ve learned to write goals, in sand, coated with prayer.

At the end of each year I review them.

It’s exciting to check off those I’ve accomplished.

Unachieved goals are re-evaluated and usually moved forward to the New Year

Or replaced with new ones based on changed life circumstances.

I really like what Dawn Wilson said in her LOL Blog on this topic:

(http://lolwithgod.com/)

As an adult, I’ve come to realize it’s not about “New Year’s resolutions,” but rather the well-thought-out goals that we will strategize to achieve as we discipline our lives and listen for the whispers of God.

It’s about focus and faithfulness.

I’ve also realized that our New Year will be just about what we expect it to be. Oh, there will be unexpected challenges, but we will have the opportunity to face anything in life with the presence and power of God, and choose our attitudes. We will have the opportunity to make decisions that will take our lives down new avenues, perhaps. We will have the opportunity to put our hand in God’s and walk courageously with Him through each new day.

So, beyond midnight means “opportunity” ~ Are you ready for the opportunities God will bring into your life this year?

 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).