When Someone You Love No Longer Remembers

When Someone You Love No Longer Remembers by Cecil Murphey, is a great source of encouragement to people watching and/or accompanying a loved one maneuvering the Alzheimer and Dementia trails.

The author shares a variety of experiences from families who have already walked this road. Their brief stories spotlight some of the bumps on that road, and ways around common pitfalls offering insights, encouragement and helps for those who love someone ‘who no longer remembers’.

Cec has included several aides for families and caregivers:

• taking care of yourself
• communicating with your loved one
• exercise and activities for the afflicted
• preparing for the unexpected ahead of time
• helping visitors make their visit better for all

Illustrations by Michal Sparks enhance the message, making this small, hardcover gift book an easy choice for someone you know who could use encouragement for this difficult journey.

Released in July 2011, this Harvest House Publication is available at

Amazon.com, Christianbooks.com, Chapters, and Blessings.

Dumb or Boundary Pushing?

As I left the building from a meeting mid afternoon today, a glance at the sky put my feet into high gear. Two blocks on foot to catch a bus and a white wall slowly moving my direction from the east. Could I out walk that column of rain (my running days are history) and stay dry? It was much cooler than when I left the house several hours earlier so a brisk walk would not only hopefully keep me ahead of the downpour but also warmer.

When I left the house mid morning I debated about wearing a jacket and taking an umbrella, but decided on neither. The sun felt warm enough without a jacket and the weather forecasters often predict bad weather to err on the side of caution and then have everyone singing their praises when the day turns out much better than foretold. I was banking on it today. Alas, I was wrong.

A few minutes later I ducked into the bus shelter as the heavy, bloated clouds began to leak in spits. The clouds were moving very slowly so I remained dry even after disembarking public transit to pick up mail and do some banking. However, before catching the next bus home, the heavens opened, or tore, or tipped or whatever they do in such circumstances and, well, I was grateful to be inside a building, warm and dry. Fortunately, there was a fast food establishment in this little business complex and, since I had not eaten lunch, I decided to wait out the drenching storm.

Lunch done, downpour still down pouring...what to do? I slipped into the next door grocery store, grabbed a coffee and a newspaper to relax in their cafe area. The usual 1/2 hour summer storm dragged on and on and on. Plan B = call my son to come get me.

Perhaps next time I'll take a jacket and umbrella, or, maybe not.  Boundary pushing is interesting, challenging, sometimes dangerous, sometimes a lot of fun, and sometimes just plain stupid. For now, I'm grateful my son was available to help out in my time of need.

Wedding Gifts

This is so well stated and reflects my thoughts quite well so I am reposting.  All credits are due to Robert Fulgham, my current favorite author.

WEDDING GIFTS
It’s June and wedding time.
Weddings seldom match the realities of marriage.
Wedding presents usually don’t either.
Fine china, fragile crystal, and expensive silver are mostly useless.
And the high-tech kitchen gadgets don’t really work well or long.
If you get sucked into the bridal registry scam and go to the retail stores where the bride has picked her stuff, your reaction will likely be:
What is she thinking?
The groom doesn’t get to have a registry open at a hardware store, but a good set of basic household tools would make sense.
As a public service I propose a more practical and useful wedding gift package for the bride and groom. Things that will come in handy in times of need. Their parents have these things. But while a couple may acquire them over time, they will not have them handy the first time they need them.
These items will not be on the bridal registry.
And it may take awhile for the happy couple to fully appreciate the gifts.
But they will.
Note that each item on the list has both practical and symbolic value:
1. A bulk stack of all-purpose brown bath towels - not for the bathroom - but to mop up unexpected appearances of flowing water in your house.
There will be leaks - under sinks, around refrigerators and toilets and tubs, and around small children. You don’t want to use the good stuff you got for your wedding.
And there will be leaks in all your good intentions expressed at the wedding..
2. A high quality toilet plunger. Stoppages will occur. A coat hanger or a broom handle won’t help. First the plunger, then the brown towels.
Shit happens. Don’t ignore it. Deal with it.
3. A roll of duct tape. Things that should hold together will come apart. And if you use it right, what is fixed with duct tape will last so long and serve so well you won’t bother to get restorative repair or buy a new whatnot.
What works, works.
4. A 6-pack of tubes of Super Glue. Things break. And can be mended.
Like hearts.
5. A big bottle of Tabasco Sauce and a big bottle of Tums - solutions for any meal gone wrong. You can eat it and survive.
Mistakes are part of the learning curve.
6. A Whoopee Cushion - not to put under the seat of whoever gets angry over small stuff, but to put under your own butt and sit down on - hard.
Anger is hard to sustain in the face of a good, loud fart.
Laughter is the one tool essential to living well with another person.
7. A Swiss Army knife - a big one - to fix any small mechanical problem. Along with an ice pick, some clothes pins, and a hammer.
Most vexing annoyances can be addressed with the simplest tools, determination, and imagination.
8. A box of mixed band aids - you’ll never have them when you need them, though duct tape and Super Glue will also work. But only for guys.
There will be wounds. Bind them. Kiss them and make it well.
9. A serious flashlight. Unexpected darkness will happen.
The light of goodwill shined in the right places will scare away demons.
10. A bag of jelly beans, Hershey’s chocolate kisses, and a bottle of good wine, and a red rubber nose.
Foolish gestures of affection can fix what practical tools cannot.
Maybe I’m wrong, but it is my opinion that you can run a marriage without an electric fondue pot with a remote control and built-in music program.
But not without a toilet plunger.
The bride and groom will need and use this package of gifts, and bless your name when the occasion arises.
Weddings are fantasy-land.
Marriage is the real world.
Get real.

---

More Snow - Bah Hum Bug

While my son dodges tornadoes in Tennessee,
we shovel snow
in April, May, June, July??
and dodge unexperienced or careless drivers
on snow packed, or slushy, or icy roads.

While people in Japan
dig through rubble, mud and debris
looking for lost loved ones, and begin to rebuild
their earthquake and tsunami ravaged lives,
we shovel snow.

While people in many countries
dodge bullets and grenades,
or flee their homes
because of rocket and rebel attacks,
we shovel snow.

The white stuff looks rather pretty today.
If I wait long enough,
it will melt from the sun's warmth
and I won't have to shovel snow.

I miss the spring flowers, the greenery on trees,
the spiritual lift that comes from new life in nature;
but today, I'll watch the snow melt,
say prayers for many who battle larger life issues than snow in spring,
and choose joy.

Today I am grateful for:

-         Some sunshine

-         Snow stopped falling

-         Robin song

-         People who shovel their sidewalks

      making an afternoon walk more pleasant

-         Ability and privilege of listening to an excellent essayist/story teller while walking, thereby challenging my mind for the stories and essays I determine to write

-         The reminders and challenges of the Easter story powerfully presented by the Worship and Arts community of our church, with their usual commitment to excellence

-         Hearing about God at work in Nepal and being given an opportunity to partner with a project that will empower disabled people in that country to reach their nation with the gospel; and, hearing amazing stories of how God continues to work through ‘the least of these’.

-    hearing how two medical professionals invested their lives in Nepal, planting seeds of hope, yet not seeing the fruit of their labors until now, many many years later. A lesson in perseverence.

-         Discovering why one of my ‘to do’ projects of the past week met obstacle upon obstacle and remained frustratingly undone…some of the material I needed for said project were delivered to me today, though the person doing the delivery knew nothing of all this.

     An 'ah ha' moment for me.

And the day is not yet over J

Lent

Recently, while out on errands, I passed a Starbucks and thought,
"hmmm, a coffee about now would be nice".
Then I remembered I had chosen to go off coffee
while seeking God's guidance in a particular matter. 
The designated time of my fast had not yet been fulfilled.
I passed Starbucks, with a longing sigh.

I'm not addicted to coffee; however,
this incident made me acutely aware
how easy it is to slip into Starbucks,
Tim Horton's, or some other coffee shop,
for an emotional fix...
something I've been doing with increasing regularity.

It also made me wonder if I slip into God's presence
for a spiritual fix
as easily as I slip into a coffee shop.

My original fast period has now expired
but I've decided to continue denying myself
the comfort of coffee through Lent
as a reminder of the sacrifice Jesus made
when He willingly chose self denial of heaven
and all it's comforts, luxuries, and glories,
to share a season of His existence with us,
so we might might one day share with Him
in the joys of Heaven.

My temporary self denial of coffee
seems pretty insignificant in comparison.

Elusive Mate

You created me to fulfill him, to be his partner,

to encourage and support him.

I despaired when I couldn't find him.

"Is there no one for me?" I asked.

"I will be enough," You said. "Trust Me."

"Live for Me. Love Me as your mate."

A hard concept when I wanted someone with flesh,

with Your characteristics.

I stopped searching for him.

I relaxed, choosing to live a single life, cheerfully.

In time, I stopped longing for him.

I focused on You.

Then, You surprised me, with him, a man who trusts You,

a man who loves You, and me, unconditionally.

Thank You for this life lesson about attitude, focus, and trust.

It has served me well in other circumstances too.

Adoption

They did nothing to deserve being orphans.
They did nothing to deserve the love and lavish lifestyle
they now enjoy. 

My son and his wife adopted two little girls from Asia,
adding to their very busy household of 4 children.
Now they have six children.
Some questioned their sanity.

When I see the love they have for all their children,
it humbles me.
They are demonstrating to the world
what God's love is like
for those who are non Jewish,
adopted into the Kingdom of God.

We have done nothing to deserve this
yet we benefit from being part of God's family.
We enjoy His love, His provisions, His grace,
His mercy, His guidance, His comfort,
His wisdom, His protection, His inheritance...

I am grateful for adoption.

New Year Resolutions - Bah Hum Bug

Best I can tell, those who make them

Break them before the year is done,

Sometimes before the first month is past.

What we do and who we are begins with how we think.

If we want something to change,

we must first change the way we think,

about it and about ourselves.

I have discovered that old habits die hard;

they hang around in the corners of our lives

waiting for a weak moment in our resolve

to reclaim their spot.

Second time around

They dig their roots in deeper,

Being aware their status could be challenged.

The following are some comments from FB friends about the topic:

Gael: We take memories from the year we leave behind

           We make footprints in the year we enter.

Ken:   Do what you have always done if it seems to work fine.

           If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

(People who make NYR usually do so because something they are doing, or not doing, isn’t working to their liking. Something IS broken. But is NYR the answer?)

Robin: Hopes and goals are good.

            Some we can control;

            Many we cannot.

Min:    I often feel like a failure with NYR.

(I think she has hit bull’s eye. 

The problem with NYR is our inability to keep them which in turn brings on Failure syndrome. We need encouragement and success to keep moving forward.)

Gordon: We haven’t made NYR for many years, though once did.

                Instead, we adopt a theme for the year.

I really like this concept.

My theme for 2011 = downsizing and de cluttering

Ron & Grace:  planning with flexibility.

            Linda & Rosella shared the concept:

            Leave it in God’s hands and see what He has planned for you”.         

                                                     ~

I’ve learned to write goals, in sand, coated with prayer.

At the end of each year I review them.

It’s exciting to check off those I’ve accomplished.

Unachieved goals are re-evaluated and usually moved forward to the New Year

Or replaced with new ones based on changed life circumstances.

I really like what Dawn Wilson said in her LOL Blog on this topic:

(http://lolwithgod.com/)

As an adult, I’ve come to realize it’s not about “New Year’s resolutions,” but rather the well-thought-out goals that we will strategize to achieve as we discipline our lives and listen for the whispers of God.

It’s about focus and faithfulness.

I’ve also realized that our New Year will be just about what we expect it to be. Oh, there will be unexpected challenges, but we will have the opportunity to face anything in life with the presence and power of God, and choose our attitudes. We will have the opportunity to make decisions that will take our lives down new avenues, perhaps. We will have the opportunity to put our hand in God’s and walk courageously with Him through each new day.

So, beyond midnight means “opportunity” ~ Are you ready for the opportunities God will bring into your life this year?

 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Special Delivery

His first coming
   inconvenient
      embarrassing
for Mary
   for Joseph
for their parents
   for their friends

Such a message
   such a burden
      such an inconvenience
         such misunderstanding
such blind obedience

In time
   understanding came
A light came
from outer darkness
to earth's darkness
   to illuminate
      to make a way plain
to shine for all to see

Some see
   some remain blind
some choose to see
   some refuse to see

God still breaks through
   time and space
God still invites us
   to partner with Him
offering hope
   to the hopeless
offering love
   to the unlovely
offering bread at midnight
   to strangers
transforming lives
   making all things new

When He asks you
    it may be
inconvenient
   nonsensical
       embarrassing

Will you offer
   blind obedience
to deliver God's miracle
   for someone?
      Today?

I am Grateful, I am Grateful,

"I am grateful"
"I am grateful".
"I am grateful for my alarm clock".

Remember when you had to write lines because of bad behaviour? It was meant to change your attitude and your behaviour, for the better.

This past week I have been rudely awakened by my alarm clock at 4:30 a.m. every day. In my stupor I shut it off but did not disengage it, so day after day, same wake up call.  Sometimes I wish for 'the good ole days' when turning clocks and televisions off and on was a simple task.  Modern technology is wonderful if you grasp it and very frustrating and annoying if you don't.

My alarm clock was only doing what I had asked it to, a few weeks ago.  I needed to be up at 4:30 in order to catch an early flight to a conference.  But now, back home, my mornings are to be relaxed, no alarm clocks, rising when I'm done sleeping.  Eventually I got the message that I needed to disengage the alarm setting in order to stop the torture.  I considered a hammer but thought better of it because I like the large illuminated numbers in the dark, reminding me I can turn over and sleep for another few hours.  Waking myself sufficiently to figure out how to disengage the alarm has finally allowed me the joy of a wake up on my terms, slow, relaxed, meditative.

I've been reminded that repetition, like writing those lines in grade school, can help to change our attitudes for the better if we focus on what we are grateful for in any good, bad, or indifferent circumstance. 

I am grateful my alarm clock is reliable.

Perpetual Winter? Narnia?

I don't recall finding a hidden door in a wardrobe?  Am I in Narnia's Kingdom of Perpetual Winter? If I am, then Aslan is nearby too.  I shall be on the lookout for him.

Knowing Calgary (my home) was the second coldest place on earth today makes it all worthwhile. I feel so special and privileged to live here.

I am grateful there were no other vehicles nearby when I lost control of my vehicle today while making a left hand turn. The ice took control and I just sat there wondering where I would end up. Pretty much did a 360. And I thought I was driving according to the road conditions, slow enough to execute my plans.   I felt a tad embarrassed. Wake up call acknowledged.  Did I mention I'm grateful no one else was near enough to be involved in this potential disaster?  Whew!

My son says, "Put winter tires on that car!" He insists winter tires make all the difference in controlling a vehicle on ice.
My husband reminded me that slipping a car into neutral gear takes the push off the drive thereby making it much easier to control.  I knew that! just forgot this technique over the intervening snow free months since last winter.

I am grateful for the promise of warmer temperatures coming to rescue us from despair.

Advent

I was surprised, and pleased, this morning to automatically receive an advent devotional in my email. I signed up for this last year and were it not for their automated efforts, advent would likely be half over before I engaged.

'The Christmas season is here'! message is difficult to ignore. Retailers happily sharing Christmas music and encouraging us to deposit money in their cash registers; promotions for Christmas concerts and Christmas plays or movies abound challenging us to attend their events; family members asking, "Are we doing Christmas at your house this year"? "When are we doing the family gathering? 24th? 25th? 26th"?  "Are we doing turkey or ham"?

I am grateful for the reminder to take a few moments for reflection about the reason for this season. Christ willingly left His home of glory and comfort to show us how to live in a world that has gone so very wrong. We celebrate His arrival.

Hijacked

I get easily distracted but today was the ultimate. I can hardly believe I allowed this to happen.

The plan was to scoot to the mall and purchase some needed garments, returning in time for a skype date with my husband.  I started the car and let it run for a while to warm up (temperature is hovering in the minus mid teens C.  Not one to ever just sit still, I started cleaning the snow and ice off the driveway. A half hour later, I'm on a roll, turn off the car, and keep scraping ice. 

By the time I was done, it was too late to do a quick shopping trip and be home in time for my date. I also fed the birds. They have scolded me this past week as the temperatures plunged, the snow piled up, and their natural food supply disappeared.

Did I really just clean my driveway instead of going shopping?
My sore back is already affirming my stupidity.  Ah, but the birds will be happy and reward me with their antics outside my front window.

Wear Your Robe

My mornings are usually slow and meaningful.
Today I rise and prepare for a typical first-of-the-morning stint in the kitchen.

Mornings are often spent in my night clothes, without a robe to cover up. It's comfortable and sometimes I do my best thinking and writing during these casual mornings.  And yes, on occasion, I have been caught by a delivery person, early afternoon, still in night gear. I do throw on a coat before opening the door to receive my parcel.

This day, my husband and son are already gone but I hear Gabi, our border, still present. She has seen me in nightclothes before so I'm not concerned. A nudge from somewhere suggests I put on a cover up robe.  It's winter and cold, so I put on a heavy, warm terry robe before leaving the bedroom.

En route down stairs to the main floor I notice Gabi sitting by the front window waiting for her ride. And, I hear a noise in the kitchen.  Has my son not gone to work?  Then I see a stranger emerge.  He is young and handsome (even without my glasses).

I discover he is waiting for a ride too, a friend of Gabi's, sheltering from the very cold temperatures outside.

How grateful I am for that still small voice prompting me to 'wear a robe'. I am also grateful I chose to obey.

Distractions Prayer

Oh the distractions!

So many things not on my 'to do' list

hit my eyes and mind.

- sticking to my floor as I walk,

creating a need to wash the floor and the throw rug

...someone spilled a drink without cleaning it up

on their hurry out the door this morning.

Thank You they have a job.

Thank You I have time to clean up after them.

- a young neighbor mom with her two wee children, outside

...she needs to know about the dangerous offender

in our neighborhood yesterday.

Thank You I was aware of it and able

to reinforce our need to be vigilant.

Please protect our neighborhood against crime and violence.

- a radio talk show about human slavery

Thank You I could listen to this program, while washing my floor,

becoming better informed about crime in my neighborhood,

my city, my country, my world.

Thank You for reminding me the best way to combat crime

is getting to know my neighbors. 

Talking to people around us,

building relational bridges,

may create a bridge to someone else's freedom.

Keep me alert to the needs of others.

Show me ways to be Your hands, Your feet, Your light

to a world that so desperately needs Your touch.

Patchwork Sleep

black nighttime; sleep time

muted red light from my digital clock reminding that night's not over, helping me track the hours when I should be...want to be sleeping

light brown sheets and pillows, soft and cuddly warm fleece, to make sleeping easier, more comfortable

Joseph's coat of many colors afghan adding warmth and comfort

light blue nightlight shining from hubby's radio alarm clock, offering a soft glow sufficient to prevent stumbling during my nighttime yellow trip to the bathroom

off white soft carpet offering comfort and warmth during nighttime treks

pale green walls encouraging relaxation

soothing brown of antique furniture encircling the room
with rich heritage

Time to sew these patches together for some serious zzzzz's.

Eating Elephants

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and conflicted.
I know God is with me yet I struggle to find a sense of peace.

Lord, please gently squeeze my hand,
reassuring me of the road I walk.

Ah yes, the elephant. That's it!
I'm trying to eat an elephant.
You have taught me to eat it,
      one bite at a time.

Chomp. Chew. Chew. Chew.
It could use some seasoning.

Thank You for the sprinkle of sunshine today.

A Lesson from Nature

Caterpillars, cocoons, butterflys - just like these creatures in nature, sometimes we struggle to be set free from a situation that seems to stifle our progress and muzzle our joy.

Sometimes we attract attention to our distress. Well meaning family and friends come to our aide, picking away at our encasement in order to help set us free.

If only we, and they, understood this process hinders our progress rather than helping it. The struggle is necessary to make us stronger for what lies ahead. The struggle strengthens our wings so we are able to fly higher and farther once we break free from what is holding us imprisoned now.

Memphis Musings

Mighty Mississippi - a nice evening walk along it's banks, being serenaded by Cicada's. It flows quite fast and is very wide past downtown Memphis. Memories of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn come to mind and I wonder if young lads still float down this river on home made rafts seeking adventure.

Vegetation - huge oak trees everywhere providing wonderful limbs for swings in a yard; vines everywhere...some look like attack vines from a scary movie; vegetation everywhere responding to the heat and humidity.

Bird Song - blue jays' loud call and stunningly beautiful serenade from a mysterious bird well hidden in a large tree.

Cicada - very loud noise, sounding like a million of these creatures sit just overhead, then their 'music' stops in an instant as if a maestro is conducting their choir.

Silk Worms - making messy homes in trees, destroying vegetation, and dangling from the trees while scouting for a new location to build yet another home....makes me wonder why some industrious entrepreneur hasn't started a business of harvesting them and putting them to good work creating American Silk.

Playground Equipment - reminding me of a playful octopus, with two bodies, green arms, and an elephant trunk nose, sitting in a puddle of water (recycled tires painted blue). I have a very active imagination which comes in handy when playing with grandchildren.

Grandchildren - living too far away; as I'm dropped off at the airport for my return home, 4 year old Maisie excitedly says, "Gramma, you can hop on a plane and come for a sleepover any time you want to."